your life can be depicted as a tree... the trunk being you and the branches being the people you meet... you might be a small tree or you might be a large tree... only you would know... there shouldnt be a need to compare yourself with other trees because big trees might die faster den a smaller tree... the branches, meaning your friendships, are your networks... hence, you will see yourself growing all the time because you would meet loads of people in life...

some branches are strong... they wont break... those are friendships that you care the most about and you know it will last a lifetime... they are firm and will support you when you fall... fallen branches are, obviously, fallen friendships.. whether it came early or late, it just didnt last and it fell off your tree... some branches are weak... they are just hanging in there.. whether or not it will last depends on the might of the wind... if there is no wind, it might mend and stay for a long time... if a strong wind came by, it will definitely drop off...

what i am trying to say is, wind, being conflicts etc, might come and destroy a friendship within your tree... whether you wanna save it or throw it depends on how you deal with the wind... if you just let it be, it will definitely break off... or you can try mending it and see how it goes from there... if you never try, you would never know right?? rather than living in question everyday, why not just face the problems and be done with it... at least you have closure... closure is the very first step to healing in any problems one might face... if you cant find that closure, you will be miserable all your life, wondering of what might have become....

as i have posted in my posts over and over and over again, i believe friendships are forever.. but sometimes things just dont go the way you want it to be... sometimes you find the people you think you know, arent who they are... sometimes you just give up on them... sometimes you just feel like you have wasted enough time on them... and you feel it isnt worth it anymore... hence, the fallen branch..

i know the word above isnt necessarily a word but i dont care... this is my space... lolz... few days ago, my friends and i were talking... and we got into something and my friend suddenly tells me and i quote.. "Penny, you are Godsent. Among all my friends in Penang, i feel you are the most genuine friend i have". of all the things in the world, i would NEVER have thought i would be called genuine... i dont know how they got into this conclusion, but WOW... it got me shedding tears on the inside... i honestly dont know what i did but i am really really appreciative for those comments... it really made my month... lolz...

i dont know.. recently, i feel like i care a bit too much about other people... the wrong people... to the extend that i feel that they are taking advantage of me... it never occurred to me until a friend of mine told me... then it hit me... true?? maybe... but for the past few days, i have been thinking... i wouldnt change who i am... i like who i am.. i care a hell lot about friends, family, work, etc... its like an attribute that is already there... i cant help it... i cant not care.. but i will choose the people whom i care for more from now on... some people just dont deserve it...

maybe that's what my friends saw in me... i genuinely cared for them... i do... some embraced it... some took advantage of it... to me, friends are forever... but some friendships do not last a lifetime... sometimes things just fall apart... its life... we have to live it come whatever may... perseverance and tolerance is usually the key to my strength... what else can i do??

a trait most people think they have, but unfortunately, they dont... equality is the acceptance of whatever, whoever and however a person or a thing might be... no judgements, no questions... in the era we are living in, we are suppose to embrace equality as a normality... however, the world is still very skeptical about equality for all... US is embracing it slowly but steadily... what about Malaysia??

i honestly was APPALLED when i saw a program for Malaysians, who are suspected to be homosexuals, are to attend a sort of straight camp... i dont know if its real or fake but this is ridiculously and utterly WRONG in so many ways... as proven by science, homosexuality is genetic and NOT a personal choice by a person... so WHY in God's name is the government doing this?? if they are doing it?? acceptance of ones' pros and cons is the first step to advancing in this modern world... sorry to say, Malaysia isnt doing so... still old fashioned and narrow minded...

people, especially the government, should realize that people are, who they are because they are created in God's vision... if i am a politician, the first order of business for me is to promote equality in this country because i believe everyone is equal no matter their choice of living, choice of partners etc... an easy task?? i doubt so BUT acceptance is the first step to everything... and i HOPE if u encounter someone who has a different personality or preference than you, you shan't dismiss them because that is just rude and very very inhumane... they are humans with emotions too, you know?? so plsssss... open your minds... be more accepting... it wont hurt you to gain another friend u know... just saying... =)

we all have to go through it... pain and suffering... its just the way of life... but i always take the optimistic side of things whenever i am faced with this problem... i take it as a lesson we have to learn the hard way... no matter how bad we feel, we still have to persevere and endure... not only for yourself, but for your friends and family who care deeply for you... no one has to go through things alone... if u r, find a shoulder u can depend on NOW... or u will feel miserable...

i am saying this because i have a fair share of suffering myself... not to the extend of burning or anything but yea... i have... my family was and is still suffering on the inside... doesnt mean what u dont see does not exist... i may be usually, if not always, witty and insane and laughing but what is going on in my head, u might not know... only a selected few knows what i am going through and i am glad i could share it with them... because if i dont have them, i will literally explode... but through all the problems i have to face with my family for the past 12 years, i believe, has made me a better person today... i cannot believe i am saying this but if i actually went back in time, i WOULD take all the suffering... because i know if i did not go through what i did, i would be a selfish bitch you guys and girls would ignore... trust me, i know...

you may ask me, why do we have to go through this?? this insufferable feeling that does not go away... the pain of a love one leaving you, a breakup etc... if i could answer you that question, i would... but well, life isnt always a bed of roses... there are ups and downs... and i know it is always the climbing back up which is the toughest... but think about it... wouldnt it be worth it to be standing on the peak, peering down at the beautiful scenery from the top?? thats why i say FIGHT... fight, endure and WIN.. because when the feeling of pain and suffering goes away, a better version of yourself is formed... and you would be the one helping others from the very same thing u survived from...

i believe time heals everything... the question is, how long?? we might never know... we watch dramas and movies... they always say the same damn thing... little by little, day by day, the pain would go away... cheesy?? yes... but true... so come now brothers and sisters of mine, lets kick pain and suffering in the ass and continue living happily as God intended for us to be... because it is the good memories that count, no??

take a look around u... not now of course... i presume u r in your rooms, IF u r even reading this post... what i mean is, one of these days, randomly, take a look around u... turn your head 360 degrees and REALLY see... watch... sense... because not everything is what u perceive it is... though usually we take things for granted... a simple example; a wall... what is a wall made of?? bricks and cement, right?? everyone knows that, heck even a 5 year old can tell u that... BUT have u taken into thought the amount of work used to build this wall?? do you know what is the architecture and planning behind the wall making??

to relate to my statement above, we usually take things as it is... but we never actually think deeper to see the wonders that has been provided to us... we only use one sense to do this... sight... we have 5 senses and usually people perceive things by looking and judging... why dont we try incorporating more than one sense into our judgement?? PLS HA... i am not asking you to see some grass and smell it, and later tell me i've seen and smelled grass, cause i will literally slap u... i am talking mostly about judging people... when we see someone, we either find them to be yay or nay... we only see... why dont we try listening before judging?? again, i am not asking you to eavesdrop or anything but yea... get my meaning?? we judge things, in this case people, by the fastest way possible and that is sight... because listening takes time... when we listen, we process den we judge... no??

this does not only apply to people... we should take a look around and be appreciative of what we have, because we could do worse... be happy and learn the art of coping with what we have and live with it... unless u have the need, dont do the deed...

Messengers come in all forms not only human. Sometimes we see a piece of paper on the sidewalk, or catch a glance of a bird out of the side of our eyes, or hear a dog barking. There is meaning in all of it.Today, be aware of all the things you see and hear. Ask yourself what the world is showing you along your path - Ashton Kutcher

i am honestly very appreciative of what i have... i am not the kind of person who is materialistic or that sort... when i look at the friends and family i have, i am happy enough... because i know i love them and they love me... so take a minute and tell your friends and family i love you, whether u wanna call them or say it in your heart... because when u mean it, thats when it truly counts... we dont know when we are going to lose the things we love... so be appreciative...

PS if u get hurt in the process of turning ur head 360 degrees without turning your body, i am not liable for any medication fee or such...

how long has it been blog?? a year and a half?? lolz... just went through my blog and just had the inspiration to write something in here... feels like sinning if i dont... a year and a half is a loooooonggg time... loads have changed since i posted that redundant azman post... lolz...

how big a change u may ask?? well for one, i am in MY LAST SEM... OMG... i swear it seems only yesterday i walked into Sunway University alone and scared... now i am already leaving?? so not ready for the working world... it haunts me... but life goes on, no?? well, no dramas on me to report... i think... stayed clean for 3 years and hopefully more to come... made a LOT of awesome friends/my secondary family here... enjoying my last sem is my main priority for now... and also graduation of course... hahaaha...

another change since the last time is that Danny isnt staying with us anymore.. he is done with his diploma and going off to the UK in August to further his studies... i wish him all the best... besides that, now i am sharing my room with my brother... sad i know... hahaha...

other than that, i have nothing much to write for now... lets see if the blog angel gives me the inspiration to continue writing in my blog... hahaha... until then, u know how to reach me... =)

azman azman azman azman azman azman azman azman